If you just broke up with your guy after a long relationship, you will probably notice a few behavioural traits in your ex that may make you feel shocked, angry, frustrated and sad. There you are, trying to nurse a broken heart while your ex had seemingly moved on without giving you a second thought. These painful behaviours won’t make any sense to you; after all, why would he do things to hurt you? Wasn’t he supposed to love you? But guys deal with the break-ups very differently from girls.

You may notice:

  1. He starts sleeping with lots of women;

  2. He cuts off most (or all) of the contact with you;

  3. He jumps head-first into a new relationship.

Good news is, all those behaviours I have listed above are going to be short-lived, because once he deals with his emotional turmoil, he will start acting differently. So let’s take a look at these behavioural traits one by one:

Sleeping with lots of women

This can be extremely difficult for you to take and/or understand (if you find out about it, of course. Most guys who choose this behaviour after a break-up will keep quiet about it).

You may think this is about you in some way, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. Your guy had his self-worth and self-esteem fuelled by you in your relationship, and suddenly he lost it. He then panics and chooses casual dating to feel good about himself again. In a way, it serves to ‘validate’ his feelings of self-worth. Sadly, this method doesn’t work long-term as that self-validation and self-worth can only come from within. He will realise that one day; until then, you must accept he will do what he has to do. Tough to accept, I know!

Cutting off contact with you

Another painful one. Having your calls/ texts unanswered will leave you sad, depressed and desperate for him to text/call you. But again, this is all to do with the emotional turmoil in his head. He doesn’t want to talk about negative emotions; he doesn’t want to be reminded of what he’d lost. You should never assume he never loved you if he cuts off contact; quite the opposite, in fact. He loved you and he now needs space to heal emotionally. Give him that space and who knows, you may end up being friends in the future.

Jumping head-first into a new relationship

This can be one of the hardest thing to swallow, especially if it happens quite soon after your break-up. You’re asking yourself, how can he do that? Well, he’s trying to fill that hole, that empty space in his heart that was occupied by you for so long. He misses having his self-worth validated when he was in a relationship with you and he wants and needs to feel that again.

Sadly, he can not run away from negative emotions following your break-up. He will need to deal with them at some point, quite probably ending this ‘new’ relationship that was only ever a rebound. In fact, whatever escape from negative emotions your ex is using- alcohol, sex, a new relationship- that will only provide a temporary relief. One day he will need to face the negative emotions head-on and deal with them.

So don’t look at his actions as a proof he didn’t love you/ your relationship was a joke/ you were never good enough. These actions are NOT about you; they are about him, his feelings, his need for space to deal with those emotions. I know, these coping methods ARE painful to you as women deal with break-ups very differently; but all he wants is to feel ‘normal’ again.